Orders are orders and commands must be respected; that is what I was taught as a kid. I did that too; I obeyed my parents and elders. I did everything to please them and I respected them
Now, I am a mother of a naughty boy, who is aged eight years. Frequently, I see him not following direct instructions. I usually have to tell him 9 to 10 times or more to leave his video game and get back to studies. That is a struggle for him…to get back to studies. He is intelligent, but he lacks interest in studies. He has an inquisitive mind, but his mind is not ready to accept the traditional teaching methods. He does not like reading books. However, I and his teachers want him to read his textbooks. So, we try to motivate him; force him and so on. Is he being willfully disobedient? I pondered on this question a lot of times. There are various other ways that my little boy disobeys me, his father and elders. People have started labeling him as a “PROBLEM CHILD” “DUMB” “LAZY” etc.
I saw my son becoming isolated. He hardly has any friends. There is a constant conflict in his mind, which I saw in his weeping eyes. I have seen his bouts of depression. He cries and he does not know why he is crying.
A few months back, I discovered that he has ADHD and learning disabilities. Thanks to my job profile, I had some clues about what ADHD is. However, his school teachers had no clue about ADHD. For his teachers, he was just a “Mentally sick kid, who should be isolated from other kids, and who does not deserve much attention.” I went to my son’s school and spoke with the in-charge about my son’s ADHD. However, that came back full circle as the in-charge had no solutions for my son. My son kept suffering the isolation, the insensitive behaviors and constant scolding by teachers.
The psychiatrist told me, “ADHD interrupts in his ability to manage his behavior. He might know that what he is doing is not correct, but being impulsive, his mind ignores the future consequences.” Hence, an ADHD kid is at his or her worst when the kid must complete tasks that have no immediate payoff. The phrase “immediate payoff” sounded interesting to me. There should be something to reward my kid even for the small tasks that he does routinely. I made a score board for him and put it on the top of the TV. Each productive activity done by my son is a chance to earn a “star” and the activities have to be done in a timely manner. At the end of the month, we count how many stars he gathered and then, he is rewarded with an apt gift. Things started getting better at home. He started enjoying finishing his work, and has started taking responsibilities.
However, life is still tough for him. The school is not helping him to improve or adjust. I thought of going to an occupational therapist near our house. But, the sessions would cost a lot and my income resources are limited. The fact that the school is not helping him and that teachers still scold him almost daily is really disturbing.
A few questions pop up in my mind:
- Why are our schools not prepared to take care of children with ADHD, autism and related disorders?
- What should the schools be doing for such kids?
- Should not we have parent training classes to help our kids?
- Is the traditional method of teaching appropriate for kids with ADHD, autism etc.?
- Why do people spank kids?
- Isn’t spanking the kids or nagging at them a bad way to discipline them? Do we as adults have no way out other than spanking our kids?
- As a parent, am I skilled enough to help my child cope with his ADHD and LD?
- Isn’t our lack of understanding worsening the situation for such kids?
Playing video games offers immediate gratification to ADHD kids, so we usually see them sticking with their video games. Should not we change our old methods of teaching? We must provide such kids with more compassion, tolerance, and wisdom.
It is time that we attain new knowledge and better science and make things better for our kids so that they can learn along with their peers. The schools should have a proper structure and support systems for these kids. Or else, we might be causing our kids to have poor self-images and as a result, a deep seated life-long depression.
What can be done?
Offer regular and adequate support to kids with mental conditions.
Do not punish the kid for being poor in self-regulation or having low frustration tolerance. Insult or physical punishment would increase the aggression and might spur the ODD condition in the ADHD kid.
If you cannot understand the neuroscience of ADHD, at least be patient with an ADHD person because he is suffering with ADHD and NOT you.
Remember, ADHD changes across the lifespan.
Teachers in high school should be well-positioned to play a substantial role in helping students with ADHD.
Remember that the symptoms of ADHD are not “bad” but rather they interfere with learning and the student’s academic success. Provide parents with a written or brief oral summary of key points of a meeting and review key steps to action plans. Ask parents for information about what they do to help the child at home (for example, strategies that work) or information about the types of activities that the child seems to be able to enjoy.
The teachers, the kid and the parents, all should work together as a team and there should be professional structures/NGOs to help the kid, you and the teachers in dealing with common situations and complications.
Image Credits: India TV News
