Almost 54 years prior to this day, dowry was prohibited in India under the “dowry prohibition act, 1961”. When it was legally banned or restricted in our nation, it emerged in various other forms such as bridal gifts, lists of presents and also with a mere excuse of ‘helping the newly -weds to set up their homes’.
Dowry is not a sheer practice that evolved in India. In fact, it’s practiced across the globe and has contributed to its overall practice. It was a practice where the bridegroom’s family was to give a share to the bride’s family, typically known as ‘Dower’ or ‘Bride price’. In older times this was also claimed to be given by the bride’s parents or family to her as a part of her maternal wealth which was one –fourth of what her brother (if any) was to get.
But the very confidential truth was that ‘if the bride was dead, the dowry was to be returned to the bride’s family if she has no offspring of her own’. However, dowry never existed in India till 11th century (evidences by Arrian, Magasthenes and Al- Biruni). The demand of dowry by grooms began after 11th century.
Despite the rules and regulations made by our country to stop dowry, there are still heinous ways which still contribute to the survival of this social evil. Today, i.e 21st century, where almost 30-40% of the Indian population lives in cities with 40% of it having their relatives in overseas, the mindset still remains back in 11th century. Dowry is not being practiced as dowry but it surely is being practiced as in different ways such as
- The girl gets petty gifts from her family but the property needs to be upon the bride’s as well as groom’s legally.
- If the girl is working and earns well, she is not prohibited to help her family but the consequences arise soon after she gets married.
- The bride’s family gifts the groom’s family in lump sum cash in order to maintain a dominating or equal influence upon the groom’s family
- Status match
- Both arrive at a negotiable deal for their own nefarious needs.
The first shock of dowry being still so dominating in our so called society was when I heard it from my own neighbors. For them it was not dowry. It was the love of bride’s family towards the groom that they have decided to give him a Scorpio, a flat in metropolitan city and a lump sum cash of 10-15 lakhs. Despite of all this it was the least that they were doing according to the groom’s biradary – the groom’s brother said. Now, let’s talk about the groom. The guy must be 30 years old approximately. Profession – berozgar. Qualification- M.Sc pass.
Now on what earth did the bride’s family decide to give this amount? Is this Love? For me it was sure that the bride’s family was concerned about their daughter’s future and hence no other option but to be satisfied by giving all these to them. The Girl is educated enough to lead her life. But my question is ‘Is dowry so dominant in the roots of our culture that it has to be performed in one or the other excuse?’
In today’s generation where every second person among us is a MBA or at least a graduate , where every third person among us dreams to get a visa for USA, UK or Australia , there are still some of us who perform this evil in one or other way and we all have witnessed in some point of our lives. We speak of women security and nation’s economic policy while we can’t speak a single word with our relatives, neighbors, friends or colleagues about this social evil while they perform it right in front of us. We ignore it saying ‘uski kismat hai bhai’ , ‘beta teri to nikal padi’ etc.
Majority of Indian youth is educated. We all are capable of earning well in a month. Are we so not confident of ourselves that we can’t buy a petty little Television or a Refrigerator or an Air cooler for us? Buying a Car is not a big deal since the start of this decade. But still majority cases are where we hear people getting an XUV or an i10 as a wedding gift from the bride’s family. Why the scene has to be in such a way?
I am not against people giving their loved ones gifts and presents. The point is why can’t the load be shared? Why even today the bride’s father or her brother has to think about giving a car and a bungalow in her marriage right from the moment she is born? The bride is not the only one getting married. Even the groom gets married. Why don’t we hear cases where the groom’s brother or father has gifted them a car or bungalow with an excuse of helping them to start their newly-wed life?
Is it the sole responsibility of only bride’s family to think about the happy settlement of the two since he is the father of bride? Isn’t it the responsibility of groom’s family either to take care of the settlement of their son?
A sad but true fact is that we Indians have always decided to find one or the other excuse for every small issue and even if someone tries to solve the problem, we don’t let him do it. It’s time for us to wake up and start taking initiatives rather than just think and think where the situations never change and we blame our mentality and pass a common dialogue to every single folk we know as “ SOCH BADLO.. SOCH ”. I think it’s time that rather than changing others we first change ourselves.
