On the 20th of December, 2015, a 27 year old woman killed her minor children by throwing them into a well and committed suicide by jumping in it. The reason was violence by in laws and husband and constant pressure for bringing in dowry.
Reports show that there had been 24,771 dowry deaths, and 3.48 lakh cases of cruelty on women from 2012 to 2015. One woman dies every hour only because of dowry in India.
In the present time when dowry related crimes are a major concern for Indian judiciary, here is the story of a unique underrated section of Hindu population who has no trace of dowry anywhere in their marriage system – The Bhalmanush Karna Kayastha
Lord Chitragupta had 12 sons, and the present day Karna Kayasthas are the descendants of one of them. Long ago, during the days of Darbhanga Maharaj, these descendants were brought to Darbhanga from Karnataka to handle the accounts of the Raj.
Years later, those who took up other jobs, and were no longer associated with Darbhanga Maharaj were called the Grihasth. The other people who were still associated with the Raj came to be called as Bhalmanush.
Presently, the Bhalmanush Karna Kayasthas are around a lakh in number situated in estimated 32 villages in Darbhanga and Madhubani districts, and are also called Battisgama Karna Kayasthas.
They have a unique system of marriage, because unlike every other section of Hindu population, they don’t practice the doomed system of dowry. There are no cash transactions in marriage, and no demands are made of any kind. In a county where an IAS officer brings home an “impressive amount” of at least a crore (exclusive of kind), a Bhalmanush Karna Kayastha IAS brings in 0.
My cousin is getting married this February to a CA. When my uncle went to their house to talk about the proceedings of marriage, the groom’s family stated beforehand “We only need your daughter. No gifts please. Our house is already small, we have no place to put in the gifts, and moreover we have everything that we need.” In a general scenario, a CA would take dowry in lakhs, and here was the humble family requesting not to send in any gifts. Forget about the dowry, here people don’t even accept gifts.
There have been cases of the groom being offended by receiving gifts. The groom’s family’s say is “Do you think we’re not capable enough to take care of your daughter?” The gifts are not accepted and are returned back.
The defamed ‘Tilak’ ceremony where money does the entire job has no existence in Bhalmanush Karna Kayastha. Yes, there is no such thing called ‘Tilak’ in their marriage procedure.
The total expenditure of the marriage is equal for both the families, unlike other castes where all the expenses are forced over the bride’s family. And this is not the story of one or two families, the entire community living in 32 villages, comprising of 1 lakh people share this mindset, unite together to believe that money is far below marriage.
This sect must be seen as an inspiration and by saying this, I, in no way, am promoting casteism. What is being conveyed to the masses here is to take them as an example. But what did they lose by not asking for dowry? Are they not as developed, if not more, than other castes? Is money this important that it can cause deaths in the most pious relationship of this earth?
Dowry is a social pressure and there’s no escape from it. The bride’s family is put into inhumane pressure to fulfill the demands of groom’s family. In this, all virtues of love, sympathy, sense of equality and liberal motive are buried like rotten corpses.
The lust for gold overpowers our civilised standards, and the Bhalmanush Karna Kayasthas have risen above this lust for gold, understood that marriage is not business, and it should not involve money.
Our nation is the one where Sati is honoured, leaving widows in Kashi or Vrindavan is not considered wrong, and where people prefer to kill a little girl before birth because of course, she’s a headache. In such darkness, castes like these provide light, that yes, there are still people who believe that marriage is not a trade, and grooms need not be tagged with prices, and brides don’t need to pay to get married.
