Yesterday in the evening, I got a call for an appointment with one of the most powerful people in the world according to Forbes Magazine in 2012 consequently in 2013.The media cell of the Indian National Congress approached me to help them to shape their strategy to re-launch their failed product otherwise called ‘Rahul Baba’ by the ‘Party Chamchas’. Dubey ji escorted me to the office of their supreme leader popularly known as Madamji.
“Aap kya loge? Chai ya Coffee?”, asked Madamji in an accent that reminded me of Mr Barrack Obama, when he said the famous lines from DDLJ in his R-Day Speech:
“Bade Bade Desho me Chotti Chotti galtiya hoti rehti h!”
Anyways! Back to the topic, I refused politely.
To be honest I was a little bit worried as I had been the chief strategist of a party that is the pioneer of dharna politics and recently suffered from the allegations of replacing dynastic politics with dictatorial politics. It was none other than the Aam Aadmi Party.
Madamji started with a very lugubrious tone that could make even Shakti Kapoor cry.
“You must be aware of the condition of our party. Aapke kya vichaar haai? Mera bete kaa career tabah kar dia Delhi me ek IITian ne aur centre me kisi chai waale ne”.
Though I was unable to control my impulse, I somehow managed not to laugh and urged Madamji to continue in English.
“You tell me ..”
“Perhaps a SWOT analysis would be the best thing to start with”, I interjected.
“Then we need to re-position Rahul Baba as an emerging superhero, like a phoenix that rises from its own ashes. We need the youth to believe Rahul Gandhi is the most eligible contender who would definitely rise for India”.
“And for that Roadies could be the best platform. In fact Raghu & Rajiv have also left the show that would increase Baba’s chance to win the respect of the youth”, exclaimed Dubeyji with sheer enthusiasm and happiness.
“Shant Ho jayiye Dubeyji! Aise bakwas ke baare me sochna bhi mat”, I warned him. I will list a few things that you could do with immediate effect to keep the remaining respect intact of the oldest political party of India.
1) Stop commenting on not so useful issues and demands like the sacking of Gen. VK Singh, who is admired as a true patriot by the people. Someone please tell Manish Tewari to shut-up and stop behaving like a 9 year old school kid.
It is true that the times are difficult for INC as a party. The useless demands made by senior party leaders like Abhishek Manu Singhvi and Manish Tewari, to sack Gen VK Singh, who coincidentally is popular for his honesty, grit and valor, proves that Congress is unable to plan a strategy to attack the Modi led government.
What Gen VK Singh said, may be have been a little harsh and at the same time offensive to those journalists who do their work honestly but at the same time it is quite true. Media has been used time and again by political parties to fulfil their political agendas, from the ‘Presstitutes’ remarks this is what I’ve comprehended:
“Prostitutes sell their dignity for money, in the similar way journalists who sell their ‘Iman’ for money can be referred as the noun that Gen Singh had said.”
And I don’t see anything wrong with that.
2) Sack agencies like Burson-Martsteller, JWT and Dentsu, who were given the responsibility to provide an image makeover to the party and Rahul Baba. Instead you can contact AIB to make a video comparing Bruce Wayne a.k.a Batman with Rahul Baba a.k.a Owlman, who had taken a sabbatical to introspect and save the country from dictatorial politics and bring secularity.
3) Banning Mukul Sangma for life is a must to keep the party intact. The lousy remarks he makes, leaves the nation go ROFL.
Is he out of his mind? At least now, it is not the right time to say:
“Rahul is a vibrant and dynamic leader who connects easily with the dreams and aspirations of new generation.”
He goes further by comparing Rahul Baba with Alfred the great.
Seriously, utmost level of sycophancy!
Another big issue that the Congress high command should give a second thought is about the power shift that they are planning. Promoting Rahul Gandhi to the position of party convener is a wrong step that could affect the future of the party. By doing this it will be affirmed that INC supports dynastic politics, which would definitely be a tactical disadvantage. Moreover Rahul Gandhi himself is more of a liability for the party and making him the party president could the biggest political blunder that it could make. Repeated failure of Congress in the assembly elections should be enough for them to understand this. The party is now segregated into two groups.
One – the ‘chamchas’, who want to see Rahul Baba as their leader and another group of leaders who openly criticize the idea to promote Rahul to the position of party president.
What I fail to understand is:
‘What is more important for Congress at this time? Is it to promote sycophancy or clean its image by doing something that is genuinely beneficial for India’
One thing that you can learn from the Congress Saga is:
‘This is what happens when you force your kid to pursue a career that he does not like.’
