Like many other girls, my friend “Siya” had her dreams of being loved and married to a handsome and debonair man. She got married to the one she fell in love with. But now, after some years of her shaky marriage, I see her speaking in a wailing, dolorous voice, “I and my husband cannot coexist under one roof anymore and we are thinking to break this marriage.” I asked her, “Are you sure there is no hope left in your marriage? If yes, are you sure you will be able to handle the aftermath of a divorce? Have you ever heard of divorce stress syndrome?” To all of my questions, my friend just nodded her head affirmatively. She seemed somewhat prepared for what will follow during and after her divorce.
In any case, I know that Siya and many women who are in a similar situation like her realize that the end of any relationship usually brings some pain, especially if it was a shocking traumatic event. If the pain is immense (which depends on how we respond to the traumatic event), it could be such a stressor that could make everything else we do harder. In India, the hardest thing to deal with for a woman divorcing, is the social stigma and loneliness that accompanies her divorce process. After a stressful divorce, there comes a social stigma to the divorced women. Many of the divorced women are not fully prepared to handle the burden of their divorce and the stigma.
There are some people who hardly ever understand what they are doing by being so hard-nosed and unfeeling to the divorcees. In India, there is a cultural, religious, and social stigma associated with divorce. Community disapproval is stronger for divorced women than it is for divorced men. Divorced Indian women encounter greater social barriers to dating and remarriage (Amato 1994; Mullatti 1995). Moreover, they are hesitant to make friends with men (either single or married) because the friendliness might be misinterpreted to mean that the woman is frivolous, immoral, and sexually permissive. (Source)
When a person is dealing with a divorce stress syndrome, accepting his or her new reality and moving on may not be that easy, especially when one has children. Since the marriage has fallen apart, it might affect that person’s daily routine and his or her behaviors. If you have been waking up in the middle of the night with your heart pounding, sometimes barely catching your breath or if you go about your day with a strange feeling of detachment, almost like you’re watching someone else’s life, then you may be suffering from anxiety because of the stress of divorce, and you’re not alone. (Source)
Not all divorces lead to Post-traumatic Stress Disorder [“PTSD”], but some divorces really do. Divorce can destroy even the strongest of us. To add to this bereavement is the social stigma that prevails in our society. While the stigma is not as immense as it used to be in ’60s or ’70s, it is still devastating that women who are surviving divorce have to face snide remarks and at times, they might be deprived of being treated equally at their workplaces, especially if they reside in suburban areas of our country.
I want my friend Siya to brave all the challenges brilliantly, and I also wish that as India is observing an economic and technical rise, we may also observe more Siyas rising above the social stigmas that are generally attached to divorced women. They should detach themselves from any fear and cast off the old shackles. If Siya will have to face a storm, I wish that the storm whips off her mental fears of being stigmatized. Good luck to Siya and all the Siyas who are surviving in our society.
