This Is How A Divorced Man/Woman In India Is Exactly Presumed To Be

The other day, one of my friends texted me. She had met a guy whom she genuinely liked. He was a surgeon, well read, and definitely intelligent. It was sort of a blind date, and I could tell she liked him, but there was a certain hesitancy on her part. When I asked her the reason, she told me the guy was divorced.

The hesitancy certainly took me by surprise. I just assumed that a divorce wasn’t so much of a social crime. I asked her why, she was hesitant. She couldn’t exactly point a finger as to what was exactly wrong with a divorced man but I blame it totally on our society.

Before the society just goes up in arms and tells me about the necessary evils a divorced man has, let me just list out a few that my family thinks its associated with. By the way, be warned. There are several categories of divorced people who are broadly classified as-

1. Divorced Men
2. Divorced Women

Divorced Men Traits:

1. He is a cheat. (Obviously he has cheated on his wife and probably has a few affairs running till now. Yes! It’s a side business for many-cheating)
2. He beat his wife. (Because God forbid, an Indian woman can only tolerate so much)
3. He gambles. (Probably)
4. He drinks. (The liver can tolerate his drinking, not his wife)
5. He is not a good father. (Worse – he can’t ever be a father, cause you know-low sperm count)
6. Finally! He’s probably homosexual. (Yes! This is a thing which is a common excuse for anything that goes wrong in a marital relationship)

Divorced Women Traits (Statutory warning- this list is even longer):

1. She cheated on her husband. (Like I said, it’s a business)
2. She can’t be a mother.
3. She did not respect her in-laws.
4. She is high-society. (The term eludes me even now, but after a lot of investigations, probably means she knows her mind.)
5. She is too career-driven. (Cause apparently the only career she can have is looking after her family)
6. She is a homosexual
7. She is too outgoing. Have you seen the number of male friends she has?
8. She went to parties and tours without her husband. God knows what she did there. (Ummm, work maybe?)

So there you have it, a compilation of character traits a divorced person has. All tailor-made by the society. So before you also fall prey to this, just stop and think. What exactly makes you so judgmental?

You were not in the marriage, you don’t know what the circumstances were, you don’t know if both the people involved had actually given everything a try and then gone ahead with this. You don’t know anything about the situation. So what gives you the right to go ahead and judge?

Let me tell you something. Straight truth. In our society, no one wants a divorce unless it is the only resort they have left. Strange as it may sound, people will tolerate everything- abuse, infidelity, substance abuse- just about anything just for the sake of not being tagged as a “divorcee” by the society. Because once you are tagged, you or should I say your character will be dissected and analyzed by everyone around you. It simply doesn’t matter if the person judging you is a raging alcoholic or a saint; just because you had the divorce everyone feels they are superior to you.

When I say it’s tough for a divorced person, I don’t necessarily attribute it to any particular sex. Men have it as hard as women do. A friend of mine recently went to get his daughter admitted in a reputed school in the city and the questions aimed at him were frankly harrowing. After a while he began to feel like he was some sexual offender, the way they questioned him. Needless to say, he is not eager to repeat the ordeal again, so he has convinced his ex-wife to accompany him and has decided to lie if asked about the marital status.

So what is it about divorces that shake the foundations of the society?

No one knows actually. I find it a bit of an oxymoron kind of situation. The society has all the sympathy in the world for you if you are in an unhappy marriage. (What is termed as “bad marriage”). Yet when you need the sympathy the most, that is when you need the encouragement and gumption to walk out of the unhappiness or tell your woes out loud, the same society and in some cases your own family will turn their back on you. It is ironic that in our society living off sympathy and pity is a much better option than demonstrating the courage to stand up for yourself.