Social networking media provides a mask. A facade behind which you can hide yourself and project your identity as you wish. In the security of being invisible, moral policing in the cyber world continues in India without anyone particularly paying attention. Be it a photograph of a child, a young girl, revenge porn or pictures of film stars, people do not hesitate before commenting on them as if it is a vent to their sexual frustration. But little can the cyber moral police accept it as their frustration but they readily blame it on the photographs.
A year ago, Times of India published Deepika Padukone’s photograph and made a statement unfit for the dignity of their profession. And of course, if Deepika wears clothes like them, obviously, she is asking for it according to the ‘sanskari’ guys. To quote ML Sharma, any such action would be against our culture, and the woman who posts such a picture becomes not a ‘mata’ or a ‘kanya’ and hence does not deserve respect or dignity. Whenever I have posted on Facebook that rape is not a woman’s fault, I have received various comments from men and women explaining how women ‘suggest’ they want to be raped and seduce men and voila- It is her fault!
When does this become unethical or wrong? How would it hurt someone reading the posts?
One of the major traumatic reactions of rape or sexual harassment is guilt according to Qubler-Ross study of post traumatic symptoms. A woman or man being raped would feel insecure and guilty especially if they are kids and are not given proper sex education. Not to mention, what the peer group would say to pile up the guilt.
Maya Angelou is one of the most reputed and recognised American authors. In her biography, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, she explains her first rape. She was eight years old and was living in her maternal house with her grandmother and uncles and it was a neighbour who raped her. She did not know what happened to her and when she explained it to her family, it was their honour that was compromised. The rapist got bailed in a matter of days and her family exacted their vengeance by killing him in public. But little Maya Angelou felt it was her voice that killed the person. And she refused to utter a word for long three years. In spite of her family’s support she felt it was her fault.
Daya Bai, a social worker who has won many national level accolades from all over India, mentions how she felt after someone in her family attempted to rape her at the age of sixteen. She felt it was her fault that she had a body that attracted her rapist. She burnt her breasts so that no one would find her attractive anymore.
Ratna (she is a friend of mine who prefers not to reveal her identity) a twenty year old girl was scythed by a drunkard one evening while returning from college. Her family did come to save her when she called them on phone. But she was forced to come back home from college immediately after her classes. All her extracurricular activities were put to an end because she would have to stay back in the evening. She never wore skirts again because her mother thought maybe she was molested because she wore a skirt. She has recently quit Facebook because every comment she reads on Facebook suggests that it was her fault. May be she had a voluptuous body, she spoke aloud, she was invisible.
This is where the led and vulgar comments that can fetch a thousand likes becomes inhuman and callous. But I wonder if these comments are the reasons why even today there are women refusing to come out with their true stories of molestations and rapes.
In a nation where two rapes occur every hour, one can be rest assured that every time one comments on Facebook, some rape victim might read it. And you would be burdening her with the guilt of being raped, of having a body rather than supporting her. May be it would be more sensitive of people not to let out frustrations behind the online masks and accept it online and offline that rape is not the victim’s fault.
