Hello fellow parents!
I know you might have subscribed to all those websites which gives you the right information on how to care for your children. So I won’t just repeat it all over again for you. I am here to talk about parenting… Yes! But before that, let me introduce myself to you.
I am no one to advise you anything about parenting because according to what research and most of the baby websites says, I am pretty much one of those bad parents whom you would look down upon. Well! I tried to be a perfect parent until some time back. But I am sorry! That did not work to make my child happy. But now that I am a bad parent (according to stereotypes), me and my child is happy! And I think happiness is all that matters for a child! So the moral of the story, for me, at least, is “Perfection and happiness are inversely proportional in the case of parenting”. Confused? Let’s listen to the story in flashback.
27th October 2010, 3:15 PM
Doctor: The baby is loosing her breath, we have to go for a CS (Cross section delivery)
Me: CS??? WTF??
Doctor: The baby is still listening Manabi, please refrain from abusive languages.
Me: Yeahh.. Okay!!
After an hour…
Me: Awww…the baby… Is it a girl or a boy, Doctor?
Doctor: Ohh didn’t you see?
Me: Bloody that nurse took my spects before the operation, how am I supposed to see such tiny details from so far?
Doctor: Manabi… the baby is now actually listening….. You are a Mother now…..Congratulations! And remember the baby is listening what you speak…
Me: ummm… ohhh Ya …I am a Mother now…Holy shit…oops….. I am a Mother now!!!!!
My lower body was still under the impact of anesthesia. Still, I breastfed my baby and yes, I felt the responsibility of a Mother. I was happy J
The baby kept crying the whole night and my relatives and the nurse too insisted that I should let the baby sleep right beside me on a single bed which was not even enough for my senseless spread out legs. The nurse also gave a lecture on how it was important for the baby to connect to the mother. I was not convinced. ‘9 months she was into me…and I need to make her sleep beside me when I can’t even feel myself, to connect with her…..Really??” I felt a lot of discomfort but yes I did it as I was a Mother now.
This was just the beginning of the tips and advices. As they come for free, anyone is ready to give tons of them. A few of them were like..
“Make sure the baby is warm”
“Make sure the baby is not too warm”
“Feed the baby…she is hungry”
“Don’t feed the baby forcefully”
“Make something interesting to make her eat”
‘Let her learn to eat everything”
“Take the baby to the seat every 30 minutes and say ‘suuuuu…suuuu’ for potty training”
“Don’t eat spicy food, I told you… see the baby’s tummy is upset because of you”
“Keep the door open when you pee, poo or take shower, the baby can fall anytime and you might have to jump off from anything you are doing”
“See her legs are bent, I told you to massage her legs regularly”
“OMG… where is the kala tika??? You might be a engineer but you don’t know anything about black magic!”
“Don’t give her biscuit… Don’t give her cold drink…. Don’t give her anything that you enjoy eating. And for that you don’t eat anything that you enjoy eating. Simple!”
“I don’t let my kid watch T.V. Do You? Whyyyyy????”
“Which school is she going to? What her school follows only the curriculum?……Hawwww! My kid’s school has yoga, dance, karate and yes they celebrate red day, pink day, jam day, apple day…anything and everything”
These are a few advices and comments I came across in the past few years when my baby was growing from a baby to a preschooler. I listened to each one of them and tried to follow too. And as if these comments were not enough I even subscribed to newsletters from a famous parenting website which told me every week what I should do for my child to become a perfect parent. And when I successfully passed a particular phase I advised the same things to other junior parents to make sure they become a perfect parent as I did.
I became a full time mommy overnight. I stopped dressing up. I stopped going out often. I stopped reading books as there was no time or energy left after feeding the baby every two hours, making her burp, cleaning her and then trying to potty train or wean. I stopped using the regular abusive words which were part of my vocabulary once. I stopped listening to Ghazals right from the time I was pregnant as according to a friend ghazals are depressing for the baby. I stopped having spicy food until I breastfed. I resisted having aerated drinks as my toddler wanted to have whatever I was having. I stopped doing….. lot of things until I realized that this was taking me and my baby into a world which I can create and fantasize for only some time but cannot carry on for a lifetime.
I realized with every single opinion or advice or tip that it was easy to be said but difficult to be done. You might have heard a very famous cliché about parenting that “Parents should lead an exemplary life if they want their children to be good and come up in life”. Put up examples! Do things that your child can see and follow. But have you ever heard a piece of advice for the people around these parents? Have you ever heard that “Parents should themselves be happy first to make their child happy”?
I can’t talk much about good parenting or bad parenting. I believe every parent tries to do the best for their kids. But yes in this informative world where you are exposed to all the lessons on good parenting please make sure that you are a happy parent too. Parenting is all about caring. Parenting is all about happiness. And not only your child’s happiness, it’s about your happiness too! I am a happy parent now….and I can feel that happiness in my child too. Here’s what I did.
I started reading again. I gave my daughter TV time when I wanted my reading time. I started dancing on Ghazals along with her. I stopped feeling guilty for everything that my child does or feels. I stopped leading a fake life and started to be myself once again. I stopped caring about what the internet or the senior mommies say or think about me. I stopped taking up the guilt that other parents try to give me while I give that extra chocolate to my baby 😉
My Maa did not have internet. She did not care much about my calorie intake. She never helped me with my homework. I was allowed to have cold drinks, chips, chocolates, anything that they had. And yet she is the best Maa in the world. And I bet I am too for my daughter. And you are too for your child 🙂
Happy Parenting!!! 🙂
This post is a part of our #SaveTheKids Campaign. To check out more posts from this campaign, click here.
