Are we still living in the world where people are judged on the basis of their skin, color or their physical appearance? I don’t know what most people think about that question, but I do believe that to most people superficial appearance matters the most. A few days ago I had an opportunity to talk to a close relative of mine (who do not wish to be named) and the things she revealed to me made me strongly believe that the world we live in is a cruel one. I would like to narrate the things she told me that day which would make you realize vitality of a woman in today’s world.
Neha was my uncle’s daughter. She was a happy go lucky girl who was very jovial and friendly until she fell in love with a man who changed her life upside down. She met a man in her hometown with whom she fell in love with. Everything was rainbow and butterflies for the first six months. They were supposedly madly in love with each other. Even with her studying outside Kolkata, they were constantly glued to each other. But when the things started getting serious between them, they started contemplating about getting married to each other.
It was then, when for the first time it was brought up in front of Neha that she might have to change to fit into the family of the man. She was a little on the heavier side which never used to be a problem earlier. The “Man” whom she was in love with, told her to lose weight so that she could be accepted freely by his family. Neha was so blindly in love with him that she seriously took up his advice and started skipping meals while in her hostel.
In a matter of six months she brought down her weight from 80 kgs to 50 kgs, just to impress the family of the man she was in love with. But the change had its own repercussions. She got afflicted with severe health complications which led to eating disorder. When she went to get comfort from her “Man”, he neglected it quite easily stating that she would be fine and now that she had lost weight and looks much more “acceptable”, she would be eagerly embraced by his family.
Neha got so obsessed with her physical appearance from that day onwards that it led to bulimia, which is a serious eating disorder. It used to always nag behind her mind that if she would eat even a meager meal, she would go fat and then be rejected by the man’s family and hence would end up losing him. Neha’s parents saw her health deteriorating with each passing day but were hapless.
Her grades went down as she slipped into an abyss created by the pressure inflicted upon her from the person she loved. She was not ready to believe that she has fallen for someone who emotionally abused her day after day. She wasn’t the same jovial girl anymore, but a bleak vessel without any soul. She had to leave her studies due to depression. After coming back to Kolkata, she thought she would find comfort with her “Man”, but even he deserted her after he realized she was sick, both mentally and physically.
Her boyfriend really didn’t care about her. All he wanted was a pretty slender girl by his side to flaunt. His family was rude and superficial. Neha once told me that they harassed her about her looks and weight in a public place and her boyfriend did not even try to protect her. The question which bothers me is “Why women have to make all the sacrifices to fit in?” I saw Neha purging every time after her meal, she looked ambushed but all she cared about was to look slender so that she gets accepted. “Is being healthy a crime?” No it is not.
Neha started alienating herself from her family, she was suffering from a severe depression and the boy who made her do all this abandoned her because his family found someone prettier than Neha for him.
In the end Neha was left with nothing, be it her Man or even her studies which she threw away because of her misconceptions. All she was left was with her family who supported her through thick and thin and were successful in bringing her up to the surface of the abyss, away from the darkness that surrounded her.
This true event made me believe in a much stronger way that there are many Nehas out there in the world, sacrificing their true identity just to please someone. One should not let their identity be slipped from their fingers. Be it black or white, thin or fat, if somebody loves you, they should love you for what you are and not change you into somebody else. Through this story I would like to appeal to all the girls out there in the world to love themselves, for it’s the God who created us this way, not the humans. The society pressurizes women to look good or they will not be accepted. Why cannot we accept people how they are? Neha was changed forever, her eat-purge disorder still continues and she has to live this way. She tries to have a functional life but her wounds are deep and the pain still remains.
