My Bus Ride Proves All That’s Going Wrong With Women. I Wasn’t Safe, Neither Will Be My Daughter!

When I was in school, there was a time when I had to take the public bus to school as the school bus wouldn’t come where I stayed. Taking the public transport all by myself made me independent and proud that I am able to travel alone. But, soon the rides became full of uncertainty, uncanny consciousness and a continuous struggle for survival and self-protection.

You must be thinking what could be such a serious fight for a teenager, while using the public transport. Think again, and you will know the answer. Yes, it is a fight for dignity and a woman’s body.

Getting a seat and that too beside a woman in a crowded bus was like an achievement. I would sometimes adjust with my school bag or something in my hand. Else, you never know which part of your body will be touched with that disgusting sensation.

The hands that will touch you may be cradling or blessing their daughter at home. It is not always about the touch, it can be a look, a sound or something more shameful. A continuous gaze or a gesture at your body or face isn’t a good thing. It feels like as if every part of your body is being scanned. A hissing or murmuring or irritating sound with the lewd word or comment also makes you feel vulnerable.

You might reach the destination safe and sound, but during the journey you might have been violated over and over again. Getting down from a crowded bus, filled with human predators, with your dignity ‘raped’ is not an un-common thing in India. And, if your self-esteem is intact, then you feel proud to have survived.

But, my question is why? Why do we have to fight when people can silently violate us, why do we have to pay an extra price when the bus takes everybody to the same destination, why do we have to feel the shame when someone else is shameless enough to kill innocence?

I used to wonder how can someone- young or old, touch a woman like that and still be guiltless. He could be a father, a brother or a son and someone else could be doing just what he did to his family. Well, some situations are always unanswered or better not questioned.

I guess somewhere the fault is ours. We fail to protest, but why? Because, social acceptance is more dear to us than self-respect? Because, social ignorance is more shameful than self-esteem? Because, the ‘eyes’ that ask a thousand questions are unavoidable than the ‘eyes’, that tears apart your soul? Because, the fear of shame is more painful than the shameful touch of fearless perverts? Think and you will find the answer.

One day, I was commuting on a train with my family. Though I got a seat on the aisle, I felt insecure. There were around 10-12 men who stood near me in the crowded compartment. Then, suddenly, something happened as expected. I felt that disgusting touch around my shoulder and it penetrated deeper into my soul, leaving me perplexed. I wanted to grab it, but it receded. The hands had no face, because I did not know who among those men had a sick mind. I wanted to fight back, but the offense had no face.

I let go of both the crime and the criminal that day, and consoled my heart that the shame is their’s and not mine. I am not impure by this incident. But, can I say the same thing today when I am a mother to a daughter? Can I let go of someone, who might violate my daughter tomorrow?

The answer is a big NO. Not because, my daughter becomes impure if she is violated, but because I will be ashamed of myself of not being able to protect her.

She is a toddler today, tomorrow she will be an adolescent and then a teenager. How will I protect her, when I know the current situation in the country, when you cannot trust anybody.

I can stop her from taking any public transport to protect her, but how will I protect her in her school?

Because, now the predators are not only commuters, but they have entered the premises of our day-to-day lives in schools, colleges, taxis, autos, malls, shops and many other. And, it pains to say, that they are everywhere and they can be anywhere, even in your locality or our house. The recent incidents of sexual abuses in reputed schools in modern cities like Bangalore, Mumbai and others leaves me completely broken and shaken. I cannot even imagine what makes a man turn into a devil to kill the innocence of these small children in their developing years, over and over again.

I can stop my daughter from going to school with homeschooling, but how will I protect her when she goes to the playground?

Because, the predators doesn’t know age or innocence; they just know their prey. They do not care about innocence or development, they just want to satisfy their inner demon of lust. It is shocking to come across so many unfortunate incidents of child abuse in the morning newspaper; it makes a mother like me dread the worst because it can happen to anyone.

I can teach my daughter everything about to be safe, but how will I protect her from the unknown?

Because, you never know who, when and where can violate her. Sometimes, the known also becomes unknown when mind wishes to satisfy their sexual appetite. It is horrifying for a mother and a woman to think about being victimized in this sort. And the stats are growing, one incident leads to another and these sexual predators just continue without a remorse or fear of the law.

Today, as a mother, I worry for the safety of my daughter tomorrow. Can I send her somewhere else? No, I can’t because the predators can be anywhere.

So, I will teach my daughter to fight  back and I will do the same, whenever required.  It is time that every mother fight for their daughters- from the womb till the end. It is time to get over the social stigma and prejudices to protect your pride. And it is not just about my daughter- make India safe for million of others too. And if the law doesn’t do anything about it, the common man will. Because, today only womanhood is not at risk, the entire humanity is

So do your part, stand up and put your hand on your womb and say:

‘I pledge to fight for my daughter and others like her by raising the voice, whenever and whenever required.’

Signing off,

A mother to a daughter, a wife to a husband, a sister to a brother, a daughter to a father and above all, an unsafe woman in the society of India, who has one question to ask- ‘I am not safe. How will I protect my daughter?’

Note: Image used in this post is only for representational purpose.