I was reading Faizan Haidar’s article on Hindustan Times e-Paper, which says, “Deprivation and neglect remain key catalysts of juvenile crime”. The article mentions, “Lack of parental guidance and schooling emerge as the biggest reasons for children taking to crime. National Crime Records Bureau figures say the share of crime committed by juveniles in Delhi rose from 4.09% in 2012 to 5.01 % in 2013. In 2013, 1,590 cases were registered against 1,144 recorded a year earlier. Though the rise is marginal, it is way higher when compared to bigger states such as Uttar Pradesh and West Bengal.” [Source]
Stress should be laid on the Protection of Child Rights report titled “Why Children Commit Offences”, which mentions, “A child who experiences neglect, non attachment, disruption etc at home tends to carry these to school.” And, my point is why are we letting neglect, non attachment and disruption happen to our children? In the present age of rapid economic growth, where we are mastering the material world and reaching new professional and industrial heights, are we able to establish moral values, and bring in real joy and confidence to our families and give our children quality time?
Recently, my neighbour’s 10-year old son got suspended from his school as the boy had stolen Rs. 500 from his teacher’s purse and he had been displaying rudeness and arrogance at his school for a long time. My neighbour felt extremely agitated and he found just one solution to fix the issue; he thrashed his son terribly, beat him with boots, and made the boy apologize for the theft, rudeness and arrogance. I wanted to ask my neighbour “Was your son born rude? Was he a thief by birth?” In my opinion, what my neighbour did to correct his son was awfully disappointing and sheer example of deficient parenting. It is interesting to note that while rudeness in children may be the subtle expression of suppressed anger or overcompensation for a deep-rooted insecurity, researchers have pointed fingers at two things: (1) Excessive use of technology and (2) Ignorant parenting. Did my neighbour think about those two things? Well, I don’t know, but I guess, no, he did not.
In fact, many parents hardly realize that children adopt things, as a way of life, by watching what their parents do. Other than this, a family breakdown, a dysfunctional family set up, a divorce, parents’ depression, inconsistent behaviours and wrong disciplinary approaches, all of these factors interfere with the children’s social, emotional, and cognitive development. So, before you start wondering how you should respond and prepare your children for an increasingly complex, time-impoverished, techno-world, you need to ask yourself, “Am I sufficiently skilled to carry out an ideal parenting?”
As a working mother, who has high professional aspirations, I do the arduous task of fulfilling various demands of household and office. I also struggle to keep a control not only on my monthly household expenditures but also on my emotional fluctuations and I know it is easy for me to feel distressed like a crazed-out and exhausted wanderer, who sometimes, desperately looks for a peaceful place, where I can be away from my real-life dilemmas. I do not want to be a crazed-out, exhausted and depressed mother; therefore, I realize that I must take care of my psychological well-belling so that I can succeed at the task of upbringing my child with hope, faith and positivity.
One of the most vital aspects of good parenting is parents’ psychological well-belling; therefore, in the rest of this article, I would entirely focus only on dealing with Depression and anxiety. A child with a depressed parent is 2 to 4 times more likely to develop depression himself/herself before adulthood. Regardless of what you say to your children, if you are depressed, agitated or anxious, your body language would reveal it all, and that depression, agitation or anxiety will definitely affect your child.
We know that children learn by example. In an ideal world, parents and teachers should be responsible, resilient, tough-minded, judicious and compassionate persons and their strength of conscience should not get affected by the turbulences existing in and around them. However, in the real world, just as steel tends to corrode faster in a salty atmosphere, our moral inner self gets corroded faster due to the turbulence of our minds. So, the first thing to understand is that our mental turbulence is primarily due to the vagaries of our life events.
We, knowingly or unknowingly, keep struggling with usual as well as unusual problems, because our mind perceives the changing circumstances/events as a problem or a difficulty. The complexity does not come from the situation/ circumstance/event; it comes from our own mind. If part of our mind is absorbed by feelings, especially heavy negative emotions, then we would have less capacity to have any rational thoughts, and that would lead to senseless arguments in the family and a deficient parenting style. If we take emotional extremes, such as crying or mourning, it is obvious that we can barely think at all because our rational mind would get fogged by those dense emotions.
So after having done this introspection, let us further speculate as to how to eliminate the dense emotions. Generally, there is an overlap between emotions and thoughts, like a Venn diagram. But, the more the overlap the more is the mental chaos.
Meditation is one way to reduce this overlap and transform our state of minds into an organized and uncluttered state. Remember, our mental chaos is not caused by external factors, rather it builds up due to the internal noise, internal conflicts of our minds. So, we cannot resolve this mental chaos by using anything external. “A Deep internal Silence” is what we really need to recover from the adversities that arise in our lives and the exertions that our mind perceives.
To practice silence is not such a strenuous effort; just find a suitable corner in your home, and sit there in a calm and relaxed state. Breathe in and out slowly. Observe each breath that you inhale and exhale. Feel the sensations of one breath flowing into and out from your body. Notice the sensations in your nostrils, your shoulders, your rib cage, your belly etc. Pay attention to the feeling of air on your skin for some seconds. Remind yourself that you are looking for more peace and less stress in your life, so calm down. Free yourself from the past and the future; there is only one thing, and that is present. Events that are happening in your life are like the clouds that are coming and going in the sky. To develop yourself in harmony with the given environment, you must start flowing with the time, and unhook yourself from any past event(s).
If you have felt any disdain, any dejection by anyone, if you had been abandoned or badly neglected by anyone, watch that dejection, that neglect, that pain, and that person passing through your heart and then, let all of that GO. Let go that event, because that event is now over. Forgive that person wholeheartedly. The moment you do so, you would feel repaired, unhurt and sorted. Free your heart from that past, unhook yourself from that bitterness and pain, and you will start feeling relaxed, secure and restored. Inhale and exhale.. Events that are happening in your life are like the clouds coming and going in the sky. Seek the message contained in them but don’t get drifted with those passing clouds. The past is in the past and it’s going to stay there. It has little significance. When you don’t hold grudges and stop taking things personally, you’re left with an organic, untainted version of you – an emotionally independent and resilient you. Hence, forgive yourself. You are just as worthy as everyone else you know.
There are not “better” humans; we all have good and bad qualities. Observe the depressive emotions/thoughts leaving your mind and heart. Inhale and exhale. Whatever bad happened in the past was not in your control and it can no longer be in your control…so just let it GO. You have control over all your feelings! You are at the whim of no one! Every emotion you want to feel, you can. Every emotion you don’t want to feel, you don’t have to. Happiness is just a decision away.
Now scan your body. Focus on different parts of your body. If you have been fighting with any physical illness, now it is time to get restored to health. You are NOT the OWNER OF this body or its physical illnesses, but you are the RIGHTFUL OWNER OF YOUR SOUL.
Drop off the stresses, the worries, and the anxieties that you associated with your physical illness. Drop off all those emotions because they do not serve you anymore. The onset of an illness merely points out to that your body needs adjustment and improvement. Realize the fact that your mind can make those adjustments and improvements, it can control and affect your heartbeat, your blood pressure and the white blood cells that fight the diseases and it can boost your immune system. Serve your mind with spiritual power.. Inhale and Exhale, and visualize a transformation. This is your transformation. You are not this body; you are a Golden soul; the body just belongs to the soul.. While you inhale and exhale, you are releasing the tensions, you are rising above that broken you, and bringing in the will power to your mind to be the master of your body and your life.
Focus on being mindful while breathing. Inhale and Exhale, and visualize yourself as a Golden Soul. Learn to expect little from others. There’s a line from a James Bond theme that says, “Arm yourself because no one else will save you.” It’s a little cynical, but the idea is true: we’re all humans and at the end of the day, we have to be selfish and put ourselves first to be happy. When you have few expectations of people, it’s easier for others to meet them. And it’ll be easier to notice who still struggles meeting your lack of expectation and who consistently rises to the top.
Break the cycle of neediness as that NO longer serves you; instead it is one of the causes of sadness. Focus on Self-actualization. Focus on emotional regulation. You are no longer a low-spirited, depressed or self-piteous person. Wipe away the day’s stress or any stress, eliminate the stream of jumbled thoughts or any worries and fill your heart with a deep soothing peace. Inhale and Exhale. You are calm and clear-headed, free from past and future, free from any worries, any guilt or doubt, and you are in your full control enhancing your physical and emotional well-being. With the flow of your breaths, you are observing your thoughts and emotions, and letting them pass without any judgment.
Meditation is seeing things as they really are. Meditation is a great way to increase your resilience to stress. It can be freely practiced by everyone, at any time, in any place, without conflict due to race, community or religion, and it proves equally beneficial to one and all. The process of self-purification by introspection penetrates the deepest levels of your unconscious mind and it aims to eradicate the complexes lying there.
Your breaths are deeply associated with your spirit. Observing your breath at the point where it exits the nostrils, you can focus on your brain; observing your breath, you can learn to observe yourself. As the practice deepens, your chaotic thoughts and emotions, your memories (joyous or painful), yield various sensations; however, you are not to chase after them, rather just feel them and let them fade away. As your journey deepens, heavier sensations will arise and your awareness will be sharpened.
When you step out of your meditative cell, you will find that the world is unimaginably bright, and you would find yourself extraordinarily peaceful as your relationship with your inner self is now spiritual and you are your own Soul mate. Now, carry this peace back with you to your daily life, along with the clarity and mindfulness that meditation has brought to you. Practice meditation regularly, quieten down the turbulences in and around you, appease your soul with gracious thinking, childlike innocence, simplicity and unconditional love.
