The Grammar Nazis of the Indian Facebook Timeline!!

A friend of mine spotted a free wi-fi zone, sorry, she spotted a FREE Wi-Fi zone and switched on her laptop to check her Facebook. The laptop was slow and I knew why-her recent obsession with torrent downloads and the INKY PINKY PONKY involved in figuring out the correct DOWNLOAD download DoWnLoAd button 😛 . The Facebook window that opened was a revelation. A mystic world, where the blue header of Facebook has red notification dots embedded in them and with a notification count which had a magnitude much higher than all cumulative notifications I might have ever had. She didn’t even bat an eye. Next she knows I snatched her laptop and scour the immense virtual landscape. By now isn’t it obvious she is my girlfriend. Dad if you are reading this “Bas aise hi likh diye, maakasam koi girlfriend nahin hai”(“Just wrote this for the sake of writing, I swear I have no girlfriend”). A typical summary of what I saw and my take on it.

People with names of KwoolKid Kaustuv,Unborn Umessh,Mahesh ‘Messi’ Mishra,Sweetilicous Sweety and the like with a multitude of pokes and pings. With no privacy violations here is a scoop of the inbox. The Cheap Indian Crowd can be spotted easily, PS-This is not a generalization.

Features:-

• Mostly they have what they like to call a “funky name” or “saxx name” like the ones I listed above and yeah there are many who have these normal names camouflaged among us Muggles waiting to prey on your peace of mind.

• The profile pic may be of a girl, too beautiful and way out of the league of guys like me, no mutual friends and some are so lazy that they won’t even remove the website source name from which they downloaded the disaster. If it’s a guy his Bollywood display picture choice would be “Sallu bhai” without a doubt.(My name is Abhi Pandey,do I go around shouting cheesy one liners like “Mera naam Robinhood Pandey hai” or maybe I do \m/ ).

Coming to the messages. Such people are a treat to Grammar Nazis:-

• “Hey dear u luk awsm,this is my bullet bike pikchaaa ,wanna ride “.

• “Dear you are butifool,I am Raj naam to suna hoga”.

• “Are u gugul coz u are everything I was searching for”.

• “hey babez MAA name is Ravi Kumar MAA hobby is stunt with MAA bike, I’ll give u MAA sweet sweet love”.(What a MAA*******)

You might wonder where I am going with all this. I relate this attitude to a jerk-the jeers, the remarks on the body, sexually demeaning comments, the cheesiness, and the clear agenda that they can get away with anything they write or say. The gist of the whole issue is that rapes are not planned, it’s the values that are hitting rock-bottom each time, the uncontrollable testosterone rush guys proudly pin blame to are just the snippets of what transforms from  sexually demeaning pings,to stalking, to eve-teasing and rape. This isn’t a hierarchy I am trying to explain. It has a serious overtone. The funda has become maximum comfort and minimum risks, yeah that’s their ideology, self-proclaimed investment bankers. They have categories too :-

•     The Stalkers – a main guy, the wannabe and a group of fake aviator sporting, hair dyed, jasmine oiled sidekicks who would play match-makers.

•     The Eyeballers–public buses, trains, Ambarsariya video. These guys are wusses, they would scan girls in the weirdest fashion, and creep them out.

•     The Touchy ones –The rat bastards think that they could touch anyone .Grazing past girls, then giving the jerk look and a sarcastic “Sorry Jee”.

•     The Socialshitbags- The ones I elucidated in the previous paragraphs.

Instead of getting riled up and punching them, you wouldn’t believe that is what they totally want, such is their basal psychology level  and desire. Just stop, turn around and shout out loud that you don’t give two fucks about his scrutiny and he is a stupid excuse for a guy, attract attention of people passing by. Believe me nothing pisses of a guy than a hurt ego and “samoohik izzat ka balatkaar”.For the SocialShitBags drop in his profile id, and for all those viewing the post give him a hard time, force him to switch to Gplus 😛 .

After you do the above, drop in a comment “I did it”, I’ll send you a cookie, you earned it.